Don’t Tell Me How I Should Feel
Don’t tell me how I should feel when my father told me how he was greeted at the door after lunch
When he was in the Air Force by another sergeant of his rank,
Who had a noose in his hand and a smirking grin on his face.
The other white airmen behind him snickered together.
My father told me he wished he had a gun.
He would have killed them all.
Instead, he ignored the men he later had to command
And wrote about this incident in the duty log.
It was never addressed.
Don’t tell me how I should feel when a little over
Fifteen years later and two thousand miles West
In this great country,
I was bitten by the same snake.
The noose that greeted me after lunch was
Hoisted on a forklift, along with a pointy paper hat.
The white men who did this snickered together.
I wished I had a gun.
I would have killed them all.
Instead, I ignored the men I had to work with.
The next day, I went to the personnel manager to complain.
He asked me, “Do you think they did this because you’re black?”
What could I say to him?
I was transferred to another shift.
Don’t tell me how I should feel when
I asked the managers at a Lockheed company
Why they stole software from my company
That we developed for them...
Why they used our specs to have us bid
Against white companies, then awarded
Our work to those companies with a
Less stringent set of requirements.
Don’t tell me how I should feel when
The answer to my question to the assembled
Group of six middle-aged white men
On a sunny Silicon Valley afternoon,
After a turtle-like movement of the VP’s head and
A narrowing of his eyes was:
“We just think 10 million dollars is too much money for somebody like you.”
I’ll tell you how I feel when
White people insist that systemic racism does not exist.
If I had a gun I would kill them.
But then...
I am not a snickering white man.
Clovice A. Lewis, Jr.
When he was in the Air Force by another sergeant of his rank,
Who had a noose in his hand and a smirking grin on his face.
The other white airmen behind him snickered together.
My father told me he wished he had a gun.
He would have killed them all.
Instead, he ignored the men he later had to command
And wrote about this incident in the duty log.
It was never addressed.
Don’t tell me how I should feel when a little over
Fifteen years later and two thousand miles West
In this great country,
I was bitten by the same snake.
The noose that greeted me after lunch was
Hoisted on a forklift, along with a pointy paper hat.
The white men who did this snickered together.
I wished I had a gun.
I would have killed them all.
Instead, I ignored the men I had to work with.
The next day, I went to the personnel manager to complain.
He asked me, “Do you think they did this because you’re black?”
What could I say to him?
I was transferred to another shift.
Don’t tell me how I should feel when
I asked the managers at a Lockheed company
Why they stole software from my company
That we developed for them...
Why they used our specs to have us bid
Against white companies, then awarded
Our work to those companies with a
Less stringent set of requirements.
Don’t tell me how I should feel when
The answer to my question to the assembled
Group of six middle-aged white men
On a sunny Silicon Valley afternoon,
After a turtle-like movement of the VP’s head and
A narrowing of his eyes was:
“We just think 10 million dollars is too much money for somebody like you.”
I’ll tell you how I feel when
White people insist that systemic racism does not exist.
If I had a gun I would kill them.
But then...
I am not a snickering white man.
Clovice A. Lewis, Jr.
